Saturday, March 11, 2017
Detox
So I'm working to detox from my mild Facebook addiction and keeping the pull it had on me at bay. I have a busy enough life that I don't need to always lurk, scroll, or comment. It's time to pull further away on it for my own good.
Thursday, March 09, 2017
Why
I don't know why I care about someone who doesn't care about me even if they are family. Watching them twist our disagreement into a reason for getting their 'good friends' attention. Calling me self-centered.
All I did was tell my sister it was NOT okay for her to constantly tell me how I should raise my kids. She constantly nit picks me on this about my son or if she were me she wouldn't do that with my daughter. Over weeks, months, years this weighs on a person. Eventually I want to stop and say "Hey, this isn't okay."
But when I do I am 'twisting' her words. So shut me off, tell me you feel you have no sisters and then post that you miss our other sister. Does she not see how that would hurt? Eventually I will find a way to be okay with this. Perhaps I am better off without family other than my husband and kids. This whole cycle is not healthy for me anyway.
All I did was tell my sister it was NOT okay for her to constantly tell me how I should raise my kids. She constantly nit picks me on this about my son or if she were me she wouldn't do that with my daughter. Over weeks, months, years this weighs on a person. Eventually I want to stop and say "Hey, this isn't okay."
But when I do I am 'twisting' her words. So shut me off, tell me you feel you have no sisters and then post that you miss our other sister. Does she not see how that would hurt? Eventually I will find a way to be okay with this. Perhaps I am better off without family other than my husband and kids. This whole cycle is not healthy for me anyway.
Monday, March 06, 2017
So much
So much has happened in my life the last 10 years. I have married the love of my life and have been raising my kids the best that I can.
Along the way I have been trying to navigate broken relationships with my sisters. I have been told I am the problem so often it drove me into therapy. In there I handed over all of my emails so that I could have an unbiased person look at what was said by me and the other side so I could be told what I was doing wrong. I expected to be told what I was doing wrong but was surprised to be asked when they have to be the adult and I can stop having to be the adult. Still nothing improved. I was working on rebuilding with my older sister (they were always close and I was always the odd man out. They told me it was my fault. I was always too ____ <-----insert adjective="" defensive="" delusional="" here="" p="" sensitive...="">
My older sister faced a lot. Breast cancer for over a year then we find out her husband of 6 years was abusive and tried to kill her so we got her to move back with my parents. She apparently was also battling depression because the abusive marriage was so deep that she missed him and in September she took her own life in my parents house when they were gone over night.
Since then I felt my younger sister has felt upset that she is gone and it wasn't me. I truly feel she wishes it was me who had passed and not our older sister. I have tried to be dependable, listen to her and help her (my younger sister) and also to do something with her she liked to do. I was so excited that we may have a chance to be close like other sisters I see. But that isn't to be so. As I have seen through my life I don't get the same free pass they got to say what they felt they needed to say to me and I can't say anything in my defense. I am told I am defensive, delusional, crazy and lord knows what else.
But my younger sister likes to sit in her chair and pass judgement on others in how they live their life. She felt recently it was okay to tell me her thoughts on my daughter's anxiety (and my niece - older sisters daughter) and that she wished she lived closer to do things with them. All she said pointed to thinking she could help them be less anxious about things where perhaps I have not with my daughter. She has always complained about my son, his volume, and anything she thinks he has done wrong in her eyes. She also vents about her sister in laws, mother in law and how what they do is wrong also in her eyes.
So I grew tired of hearing her take on my parenting (although she didn't think she was doing it) and stuck up for myself saying that I love her but the ways she thinks she is always right irks me. All hell broke loose. She created an itemized numbered list of the things she has learned to NOT do with her child from what I do with MY kids. And then she added she sometimes feels she has NO sisters now. Then posted on FB that she 'Missed her sister'. I knew this was in response to our argument and saying she has no sisters as she pushed me aside. She missed our older sister because she couldn't complain about me to anyone. That she doesn't view me as a sister. This made me crumble. I have tried so hard to be close. So very very hard. I was crying on the phone when my husband heard me. He lost it. He even commented on one of my younger sisters fb posts (which he never posts.) Then he said she is dead to him, not allowed in our house any more because he is tired of her hurting me and using me as a door mat.
Now my family is torn apart. I was told again I am delusional and my husbands comment was crazy.
My kids are doing well and my marriage to my husband is amazing but my relationship with my sisters (which was non existent as a child) will never be what I always wanted it to be. I can look at myself and fix a lot but the other side has to do the same. She refuses and prefers to say it is all my fault.
Along the way I have been trying to navigate broken relationships with my sisters. I have been told I am the problem so often it drove me into therapy. In there I handed over all of my emails so that I could have an unbiased person look at what was said by me and the other side so I could be told what I was doing wrong. I expected to be told what I was doing wrong but was surprised to be asked when they have to be the adult and I can stop having to be the adult. Still nothing improved. I was working on rebuilding with my older sister (they were always close and I was always the odd man out. They told me it was my fault. I was always too ____ <-----insert adjective="" defensive="" delusional="" here="" p="" sensitive...="">
My older sister faced a lot. Breast cancer for over a year then we find out her husband of 6 years was abusive and tried to kill her so we got her to move back with my parents. She apparently was also battling depression because the abusive marriage was so deep that she missed him and in September she took her own life in my parents house when they were gone over night.
Since then I felt my younger sister has felt upset that she is gone and it wasn't me. I truly feel she wishes it was me who had passed and not our older sister. I have tried to be dependable, listen to her and help her (my younger sister) and also to do something with her she liked to do. I was so excited that we may have a chance to be close like other sisters I see. But that isn't to be so. As I have seen through my life I don't get the same free pass they got to say what they felt they needed to say to me and I can't say anything in my defense. I am told I am defensive, delusional, crazy and lord knows what else.
But my younger sister likes to sit in her chair and pass judgement on others in how they live their life. She felt recently it was okay to tell me her thoughts on my daughter's anxiety (and my niece - older sisters daughter) and that she wished she lived closer to do things with them. All she said pointed to thinking she could help them be less anxious about things where perhaps I have not with my daughter. She has always complained about my son, his volume, and anything she thinks he has done wrong in her eyes. She also vents about her sister in laws, mother in law and how what they do is wrong also in her eyes.
So I grew tired of hearing her take on my parenting (although she didn't think she was doing it) and stuck up for myself saying that I love her but the ways she thinks she is always right irks me. All hell broke loose. She created an itemized numbered list of the things she has learned to NOT do with her child from what I do with MY kids. And then she added she sometimes feels she has NO sisters now. Then posted on FB that she 'Missed her sister'. I knew this was in response to our argument and saying she has no sisters as she pushed me aside. She missed our older sister because she couldn't complain about me to anyone. That she doesn't view me as a sister. This made me crumble. I have tried so hard to be close. So very very hard. I was crying on the phone when my husband heard me. He lost it. He even commented on one of my younger sisters fb posts (which he never posts.) Then he said she is dead to him, not allowed in our house any more because he is tired of her hurting me and using me as a door mat.
Now my family is torn apart. I was told again I am delusional and my husbands comment was crazy.
My kids are doing well and my marriage to my husband is amazing but my relationship with my sisters (which was non existent as a child) will never be what I always wanted it to be. I can look at myself and fix a lot but the other side has to do the same. She refuses and prefers to say it is all my fault.
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