I started this blog to focus on the good things in my life. I wrote mostly about my kids or things of that nature, if you'll notice. That is where my happiness lies unabated. I'm usually a happy happy uplifting person with a sunshine viewpoint. I'm not just trying to make myself look good, it's what I've been told. My mom has always told me that I lighten a room when I enter it and so I have adopted the motto that I want to be the sunshine and not the rain.
Somewhere along the line my marriage has become the rain and my viewpoint on it is dark and dreary. My husband doesn't view it the same and I promised not to write in detail the issues we face. I do know his intended outcome from all that is happening is different than mine and mine is not sunshine and roses. I've been optomistic for a long time and have great difficulty being so any longer.
Through certain channels I have been asked to read a novel about divorce and its legacy. I call it my huge guilt trip. Let me say this loud and clear I LOVE MY CHILDREN with all my heart. I have wrestled with my feelings of this marriage for over a year and never EVER want to hurt my kids. But I very well may hurt them in the most horrible way possible.... yes the D word.
I am going through a horrible internal struggle right now I know what I wish could happen but is too late to have it be so and I know where I am leaning which won't be pretty. The end of March is when I felt I let go of things here with my husband and so that is where I am.
Thank you to all my blogging friends and their support. Thank you to Terry for the props for the nice blog. I will post about that and recommend someone else in turn. I already have someone in mind. It's nice to know that even though we have never met that I have blogging friends like you all. Blog ya later chickies.
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3 comments:
Oh stink! That doesn't sound good.
But, I don't think it's EVER too late for anything. The future can surprise you! I'm going to pray that this is just a little dip in the road for your family.
Well, Angel, I don't know all the ins and outs of the thing so I won't begin to say that I know what you're going through. But, after 40 years of marriage, I will tell you from experience that everyone goes through trials. Sometimes you feel as if you just simply can't take anymore but you do and you can and before you know it you've moved on to a glorious place and you're so happy that you didn't do the dreaded thing you thought about. I hope that this is salvageable for your sake and your children. I will pray about it.
Mama Bear
Sorry to hear all this Angel.
I'm sure everything will work out
as it was intended to but in the meantime I'm sure it's a s*** sandwich. Keep loving your kids and try to explain to them what's going on. They may well help you to see things in a different light.
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