Okay, I know I'm hormonal so it probably wasn't the best time to go to file for divorce. I had to save up to pay for it and today, while the kids were in school, I drove the 45 minutes to the County court house. As I was driving the heavens opened up and snow began to fall in huge coating flakes.
I was thinking and reflecting on the road that got me to driving to file for divorce. Don't ever believe that just because someone has chosen divorce that they don't feel some regret, some fear and sadness. The leaver feels horrible like the one they left and on top of that I am terrified of making it on my own. So hormonal chick that I was today I parked along the street, clutched my papers after feeding the meter and tromped through the snow in my eskimo coat hoping it won't take long to file the paper work that will end my 12 year marriage, and 14+ relationship with the father of my children.
After finally finding the entrance to the courthouse I emptied my pockets and put all my belongings on the x-ray machine as per the stern guards instructions. He gave me directions to the Prothonotary's office with the same friendly tone. Shaking I got on the elevator to go up, then walked the convoluted hallways to the main courthouse and back down to the first floor.
Then I met the wicked witch of the courthouse in the office that I sought. 'What do you have for us' she asked. I stated I was filing for divorce. After a 'you can't file this way, you need a custody ...blah blah' I showed her we in fact did have a custody agreement. She was quite possibly the most unfriendly person in the world. I mean I don't file for divorce every other day so I am not entirely sure what I was doing.
Lastly she asked for my divorce complaint. Searching through my crinkled folder of carefully crafted paperwork I came up empty. I had to break down and call my soon-to-be ex who is also an attorney to seek out the paper.
By then I was really shaking and totally emotional. I mean who truly wants to be standing in a cold marble covered office with stark white pages of legalize that delineates who gets what from the house and when you get to see your own kids. Not only that you have to pay for it and leave feeling empty.
Needless-to-say, I was missing that one piece of paper. I drove back in a complete snow storm on back roads sliding accomplishing nothing and crying like a baby. Of course that was the perfect time for the song my soon-t0-be ex and I danced to at our wedding came on. Open flood gates.
It has been an emotional morning for me. Sigh.
btw... I will be getting my stuff together and going back tomorrow. Double sigh.
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3 comments:
Oh yuck! That does not sound fun! I'm sorry you're going through all of that.
Thank you. I am fine with divorcing my ex, it was just that I did it when I was my most hormonal so I think I over thought and overly dwelled. Really and truly I am good because I have someone who is the greatest support system and simply wonderful man.
What a poignant and yet difficult post to read. It spells out just how something like that might feel and you don't get to read that part of the story most times. Thanks Angel.. and I'm sorry, of course that you are going thru this.
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