Reality bites

When I was a kid and even during college I always thought, "When I grow up....."

In this thought I dreamed of big money and very little worries. As I've found out that with that comes student loans and other realities. Although my student loans are paid off it will take almost 30 years to pay off hubby's, add to that a house payment and all the other items. With this in mind I realized that big money means watching it go out faster than it comes in. The reality is that we may never have a savings cushion that I thought we would by now since the type of law he practices pays squat.

When I was a kid I always thought I would eat chocolate, chips and pop any time I wanted when I grew up. Reality is, if I do that at 5'-0" tall it will show quickly.

When my job at the architectural firm was phased out (otherwise known as I was pregnant with my daughter and no one else in the design department had families. My supervisor thought they got in the way) I always thought that when my kids got to be a certain age I could easily go back to work. Reality is I've been out of the work force full time for over 5 years now and they wonder why.

Then I thought maybe I could land a part-time Interior Design job but outside of retail it has been next to impossible. I only have one avenue open to me now and I'm praying they don't send a rejection letter. But if they do hire me I need to find out what daycare costs would be for the time I'd need it. The reality is what wage is enough to absorb the day care cost and not make me think I'm JUST working to pay the day care to watch my children that I could do at no charge?

In the end: Reality bites.

I want to run in barefeet in the grass in the summer sun with a popsicle and not think about the weeds growing. I want to slide down the hillside in the snow with the giant flakes slapping me in the eyes and not think about shoveling or 'do we have enough salt'. I want to look up adoringly at the Christmas tree without thinking "I need to do this", or "that" or "I really need to start to wrap things."

I want to dance in the living room with my parents and sisters like I did when I was a kid with nothing to worry about. I want to wake Christmas morning and run down with the wide eyed wonder of a kid. Alas, time marches on and those things are in the past. The only thing keeping me from thinking that the reality of the present totally sucks ass are my kids (oh yeah, and hubby.lol. He reads this and will get pissed if I missed him. Sorry honey!*kiss*)