I know I have complained about needing a gf close by to hang out with and I get along quite well with many many people. I talk to two women each day that my daughter has preschool and even gave a free color consultation to one, going to her home a few months back. It's the sort of thing you do for friends and say "shhh don't tell anyone it was for free, kay?" Her older son went to preschool with my son and her youngest son is going with my daughter so I've known her for about 4 years. The other woman is quite nice and I learned this year she is also an Interior Designer. Talk about a small world. But the point is that we talk and I like them and they even asked me if I took the job or not (school hasn't been in for 2 weeks...ugh.)
I have a few women in the neighborhood I talk to daily at the bus stop and their sons and daughters play with my kids and we visit with each other at parties.
But there is this one neighbor, this one person who just rakes on my nerves like a rusty nail. For all intensive purposes she seems nice and is friendly enough. She lives two doors down from me but for so many reasons I dread seeing her. She says things that aren't normally socially acceptable or nice but says them with a smile. Now I have been known to say a stupid, insert foot into mouth thing time and again but this is different. She is crass. Once she saw me at the preschool and smiled and asked, "Did you color your hair?" *gasp* How do I answer that? I'm so used to "You're hair looks different, good. did you get your hair cut?" As a womens way to fish for if you colored it.
As a teen my biggest fault was I didn't buy into the whole girl bs. I still hate the question 'do I look fat in this?' because that's a horrible question. I feel if you need to ask that question you either need bulstering or you already don't like how you look in said item. But I have learned over many many years what is an appropriate and polite way to ask things.
The second issue with this neighbor is that she does not supervise her children. Her youngest is 5 and her oldest is 8 and they are out on their bikes in warm weather completely alone and in the street nearly getting hit by cars. The 5 year old has come to get my daughter and I have ended up sitting as they played together. I might be over protective but too bad I think my kids are a bit too young to be totally unsupervised.
The third issue is her house is like an atomic bomb went off in it. Stuff is everywhere. The stair carpet is threadbear, there is visible dirt on the floors. When I step in the door I have an unpleasant physical reaction and almost run home to my OCD controlled house. I am not too overboard with cleaning but obsessive enough.
The last issue, and that's what prompted this post, is her out of her home business practices. She used to sell 'Pampered Chef' and now has moved to jewelery. Her husband is home all day, and works from home. Some sort of IT or computer guy, don't ask me why he can work from home so much. But she ALWAYS ALWAYS sends me invitations to her parties. Okay, I am not into those kind of parties. Not ever. For a good friend I would go and have gone but that's it. So she had sent me an invitation to her jewelry party this Saturday. I TOTALLY forgot to rsvp and I hate the fact that I did as it is a sore spot for me (that reminds me I have to rsvp for a bridal shower darn it.) My son's kids b-day party is this Saturday and we are taking he and 5 of his friends bowling. A nice PA pasttime. LOL. One of the kids didn't rsvp at all. I tried to explain to my son yesterday that it is impolite to ask them 'hey did you get my invitation and are you coming?' If they choose to not respond we ignore it. I don't know if that's proper etiquete but it's how I was raised.
Well I get a phone call (why didn't I check caller ID darn it?) from this neighbor asking me if I had gotten the invitation and if I was going. Grrrrrr... this irks me to no end. Talk about putting a person on the spot. I explained that I wouldn't be able to attend due to my son's b-day party with friends at the same time and apologized for not calling. I think I subconsciously avoided calling her for not wanting to speak with her but the alternative (her calling) wasn't much more fun. *sigh*
Am I crazy to want to avoid her? Am I being a snot and unreasonable? *shakes head* I hate feeling like this. Hubby says I'm too sensitive and try to be too giving. He says I give too many people a chance. He is right, I am sensitive. I carry the guilt of hurting people heavily. I feel badly when I finally select my annual flowers for the flowers I picked up and did not purchase. I kid you not. So when someone like that women rakes on my nerves I also feel badly for feeling that way. *sigh* lose-lose darn it!
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7 comments:
AAH! I hate those parties too! I'm always getting invites from my sis-in-law. I think she is on a quest to get free stuff from every at home party-thing possible! And, she emails me the invite! I don't care since we're buds, but if I wasn't so close to her it'd drive me nuts! I usually turn her down..via email! She knows I will every time, but I think she continues to invite me b/c she doesn't want me to feel left out..
I know, it's like proper etiquette is a thing of the past. It's too much work or just isn't expected anymore...shame.
Don't sweat it. Maybe if you keep turning your neighbor down she'll get the hint. Sounds like you're a people pleaser to a fault, and maybe don't like the thought of someone not liking you. In this case though, her not liking you might be a good thing! :)
Let us know what happens.
I'm with Cheex... don't sweat it! Takes all kind of people to make the world go 'round! Not even worth your time thinking about... don't spend another ounce of energy on it! More important people need your attention... like your fellow bloggers LOL!
Cheex... the other problem is that I was invited to bunko night many months ago. I was excited... me and the ladies from the housing community. I didn't know it and poker night hubby was invited to was to be a secret and I asked someone at the bunko night about the poker night. I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A SECRET! I'm 34 freakin' years old not 14! Well, I haven't been invited to bunko night since. *sigh* I'd like to think it's due to inclement weather and has been cancelled. I'm too freakin' sensitive and eager to please.
long island dad... I hate being unkind to someone. LOL Oh... I won't neglect my blogger friends. As a captive SAH'er I value my blogger buddies.
we all have those people in our lives. be kind but don't let them walk all over you. It's a fine line sometimes but I have confidence in you.
Okay. I am going to play devil's advocate....
About her calling to see if you got the invite - pretend Duran Duran (or some other awesome band) invited you to a kick ass, exclusive party but your invitation got lost in the mail. You'd be totally pissed if you found out that you were invited but never knew it, right? You'd be all,"Why didn't DD (or other band) just call me?" Well, your jewelry pushing friend probably thinks her parties are as cool as a DD party and didn't want to leave you out.
Just from your description of this woman's house (threadbare carpet, dirty), it sounds like (not saying you are!!) you are being a tad judgmental. Who knows what this woman is going through behind closed doors. We all handle/keep/clean things differently but that doesn't make one way better than the other. While I would much rather spend time in your OCD clean house, I would certainly still offer this woman my friendship even though her house wasn't the cleanest. Sometimes, when people have overwhelming events/people/whatevers going on in their lives, it manifests itself in weird way - like not cleaning or making poor decisions. She also may not realize she comes across as rude. Depending how we are treated as children results in our adult behavior. Pretend she had a wretched upbringing (abusive step-father, alcoholic mother - whatever invokes emotion for you). That might make it easier to digest her tactless comments! Good luck.
finished line... that's how I am. I was polite and nice but I won't let her abuse me.
Sizzy siz... I appreciate the devil's advocate. The thing you might not realize is all these homes are only 4 years old. Mine is as old as hers. Her husband is home all day with her. She has two kids. She is a close talker and I am not the only one she annoys (I don't talk about her, I hear others talk about her.) But she has said so many numerous comments that are rude, even hubby has heard them with jaw dropping results. One of the examples is she came to my home, of which I cleaned with usual vigor. I had NOT been in her home as of yet. She sat at my oak table with spindle chairs. At the time I had old tied on cushions that were ivory (from my sisters old house) but the kids had spilled things on them and so they were stained. I had just washed them because I am self conscious. Before sitting down for coffee with her son she looked down at them and said, "Oh... a little dirty aren't they?" It was the one and only play date because that was just the beginning of her snide and unbearable comments. THEN I went to her house to drop something off and saw the mess that was her house. I made NO comment to the state of her house as she had about the cushions.
Sure I'd be upset about missing a cool party with DD but if it got lost in the mail it wasn't meant to be. But I would rather pull my toenails out one by one than go to her house and sit through a party. I do have a limit to what I can take and 1 person in the last 10 years to be like this to me isn't a bad thing I think. But I'm not in the habit of intentionally hurting someone elses feelings, even someone who has tried to intentionally hurt mine time and time again. My mommy raised me better. So I told her I've been sooooo busy with my new job I have a pile of mail to go through. I apologized for not calling to rsvp and then told her why I couldn't make it. And in the end, while I hate to admit I dislike someone, it is based on 4 years of crass statements. Not a rash decision.
Nah. Just push that dirty chick aside and go on about your cleaning.
Then come down here and help me clean our house. It is an OCD cleaner's dream and nightmare all wrapped up in one..
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